Lagos Madness

Lagos will not make me go mad. I am beginning to get as superstitious as I could get. Really, to survive in this nation, one has to be crazy. Some choose religion, football, sex, bullying and other things as their form of crazy. I wasn’t sure if I was going mad on Monday evening. The worst thing was I couldn’t turn to anyone to ask questions. I barely have a phone. I don’t like to be an alarmist so calling wasn’t going to happen that soon. Besides, this was a matter you don’t want on speaker or something.

It happened that this dude passing by bumped into me really hard. It was startling. He didn’t have to because there was enough room for him to conveniently pass by. But no, he had to ram into my right side, giving my right shoulder a knock so sudden that I couldn’t even find my words. The way he looked back at me made me feel like he expected me to say something. Like it was intentional and he was waiting for my reaction. I’m not sure why I felt that way. I looked at him and kept on walking. I didn’t have time for such people and unnecessary arguments.

Then the thought dropped in. If it was intentional, what could the aim be? Am I missing something here? (Pun maybe) Isn’t this the typical story of how *won mu oko? I wanted to laugh but it is kinda serious. Kept walking but the feeling wouldn’t go away. I don’t know how to know when such happens. Right at that moment I wasn’t so sure I could feel that member representing its constituency. As I was on the road, the idea of touching made me feel clumsy but I did manage to make contact. The second level of fear caught me. It felt like it had been dethroned and lay sobbing in a corner. I tried to get my mind off it, searching for whatever else to erase the thought from my head. I forgot about it soon enough and started thinking about money and this boo-less sojourn called life.

But you know this kind of thing doesn’t really leave the mind. It was just hanging around for a little space, water so the seed could come back to life. I got home and got undressed then it knocked. Yes, member is alive in its constituency but I wasn’t sure the form this member-stealing through magical power takes. Is it that it won’t stand? Well I went to force a urine session. That test passed. So I thought maybe it’s about arousal *coughs* so I watched a couple of videos, you know. Member active and seeking congress.

It appears nothing had happened. But this is what Lagos has done to me. Anything can happen here – spiritual, physical, whatever. Just a week and some days ago I got robbed in a bus at gunpoint. It was almost unreal.I have always heard of it and seen it in Nollywood. It is sometimes made to seem like the victims were careless or well, ‘na spiritual something.’ Then it happened to me and I’m left in this loop. It might be superstitious but really what happens *ti won baa mu oko? Anyone please?

*I don’t feel like transliterating. Add it to the madness Lagos birth.

** This post was written last year and first published on Brittlepaper.com