Open Letter To The First Lady by Sultana


Open Letter To The First Lady
March 14, 2011 @ 8:21 am ›
Auntie Patience,
Good mornin’, ma. I know say
you no sabi me. My name na
Osemhen, and I get one business
wey I wan make we discuss. D
tin consan the campaign wey
you dey helep our Presido, Uncle
Jo and all im ‘umblerra’ friends
Auntie, you try. Even though you
no too sabi English, you dey
make effort. You dey try relate
wit your pipul, try console dem.
But dem be ingrate! You know
say for dis we kontri, pipul plenty
wey get bad mouth. Na so dem
go sidon, dey laff wetin you talk
wen you give speech. Instead
make dem understand the
message wey you get for mind,
dem go dey find mistake for the
English. Dem laff wen you talk say
Uncle Jo and Bros. Namadi “is
good people.” Even say the
English no beta, shey dem no
sabi say you been wan say Uncle
Jo and Bros. Namadi na beta
person? Which one kan hard for
dere? Abi, na the one wen you
talk say “the people sitting
before you here were once a
children ” ? Shey dat one no mean
say everybodi, one time or
another, be pikin? Why dem kan
dey laff you?
Auntie, no mind dem. Na bad
bele dey worry dem. Dem say you
no sabi spik English. Na English
be your papa language? Queen
of England sabi spik Ijaw?
Michelle Obama sabi Ijaw? Abegi!
No answer dem! Me, I be correct
person. I sabi say you dey try.
You wan helep Uncle Jo win
presido. I wan helep you helep
am. I get three options for you
One, I go helep you write your
speech in perfect English. Dat ’s
right. Me, I go school so I sabi
this English well well. I go write
the speech give you. You go read
am, practice am for mirror, carry
am for head.
Two, If the English pass your
power, I go write am for pidgin.
Everybodi for dis we kontri, sabi
pidgin. Dem go understand
wetin you talk. In fact, d tin be
say, if you spik English too much,
all dose market women dem and
workman no go sabi. So, pidgin
all the way. Wen Uncle Jo enter
power, we go make Pidgin
(South-South style) official
language for dis kontri.
Three, If that one pass your
power too, I go carry my friend
wey be Ijaw. We go sidon
translate am from English reach
Ijaw. Then when you dey give
speech, the English one go dey
scroll for big screen wey go dey
your back. Or you fit do like dose
Pastors dem, you talk one for
Ijaw, person go stand with you
talk am for English. The tin no
make sense?
Make I know whether you like
this idea. My money no go too
cost. We go discuss dat one wen
we see. Thank you, Auntie. Greet
Uncle Jo.
Your Pikin, Osemhen
p.s. Please share this with as
many people, you never know
who might have a direct link to
her I just might get the job! I
promise I’ll share the salary!
Culled from

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