My Relationship by Temi Alalade

When people ask me if I’m in a relationship, my answer is usually “No”.

But there is a woman who I’ve been intrigued by for a while. I look at her and I am captivated by her beauty. Her deep, dark, brown eyes leave me hypnotized whenever my eyes lock with hers. Her ebony skin is flawless. She charms me with her soothing words leaving me spellbound, her laughter is infectious. When I’m in her presence, I’m left in awe because the depth of her knowledge is unending. Her intellect is second to none.

Unfortunately, she has a large family. She’s a mother to several children, 54 to be exact, and to make matters worse, they’re constantly quarreling, always at war with each other. I understand that each of them wants to be independent, but these days when I look at them, I see that their quest for domination, power and control is breaking their mother’s heart. I wish that for once, they would lay their pride aside and unite as one family, at least for her sake. I can feel the burden that this disunity places on her shoulders, the discomfort that she feels so deeply. It’s during moments like these that I just want to hold her in my arms and shield her from the worries of life. To provide for her, to cater to her every need.

To keep her away from those who only seek to pillage her resources. I want to be able to keep her safe and guide her. Actually, it’s quite funny now that I think about it. Here I am saying that I want to guide her. But the truth is that she has been the one guiding me. Ever since that fateful day that we met, she’s always been there to give a listening ear to my worries, fears, my aspirations, my dreams. She has never for once put her interests over mine. Heck! She’s really been there for me. That’s one thing I admire about her. One thing I greatly respect her for. Her loyalty to me has surpassed my imagination, she has been supportive of my endeavors and has never for once shown an inkling of selfishness. That’s a quality that’s difficult to find in today’s 21st century woman.

via Nuwla

Don’t get me wrong, we both have our ups and downs. I find some of the things she does quite infuriating. For example, she likes comparing herself to other women. This leads to her undervaluing her strengths and overemphasizing her weaknesses. It really gets to me when she starts the whole comparison act. I’ve told her times without number that her desire to develop can be likened to the ripening of a fruit. It takes time, but in the end the sweetness is pure. I know that she is extremely talented, in fact, I believe she’s gifted. I just wish that she would open her eyes to see this, maybe even learn to appreciate herself more often. Perhaps her insecurity stems from an erroneous belief that I will leave her for someone else. But this is untrue.

I made up my mind to entrust my heart to her when she said to me “I have a lot of baggage. 54 kids is no joke. I accept that I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. But I don’t want this relationship to be borne out of a sense of obligation or your feelings of pity for me. It may sound cliché, but I want you to know, that even if things don’t work out between us, I will always be there. I’ll still be a friend to you.”  

In my previous relationships, I haven’t heard a woman be so open to the idea that I may leave her if the pressure gets too much. It left me stunned.

It’s not easy for a young man like me, but I really want us to grow in our relationship. I want to be there for her and support her in everything she does. And I want her to do the same for me.  

So when next someone asks me if I’m in a relationship. I’ll tell them “Yes”. I am in a loving, committed relationship… With Africa.