A Call Out of My Mind Palace
I was never present in my body, wandering in the rain in a world that only saw my body and ignored me.
It initially felt like an escape until it became more of a self imprisonment than a means of drowning my pain.
It feels different now, it went from dead silence to the voice of emptiness reaching out from both ends of the spectrum.
From a call out of my mind Palace to a call into it, I have now become an entity caught between two worlds.
Equally seeking to balance the voices that call me to life and those that seek to bring me out of it.
Fear of abandonment in my head and though happy days drown the pain, in my world happy days are but commercials between TV shows.
Will I ever learn to speak my truth and free myself from my internal horror?
Perhaps a day will come when I get tired of living in my own head but today isn’t that day.
I do not enjoy my loneliness, neither do I fear being alone.
I am a stranger out in the world looking to fit in the world where no one actually fits in.
The horror is that I have become a stranger in my own head as I am in the world that only accepts the bold, the strong and the wise.
What was once my escape now presents me with questions that remind me of what I am missing in the world.
It is Time I stop listening to the voices within excessively, it is time I stop muttering words in return.
A bold step out of my comfort zone, walk through the flames of life and come back with tales of my adventures.
If I am to hold your hand, will you hold mine too?
If I am to smile, look you straight in the eye in a manner that indicates my affection would it be too much?
If I go a little further with a kiss on your cheek, my hands locked between yours, a fast pacing heart and a long stare at your lips would it be uncomfortable?
If I then touch your lips, find my balance and feel your hair, if I extend my anxiousness beyond the tiny sweat that breaks through my skin when I touch your waist,
If I bring you closer and watch you speak with the voice that reminds me that the divine is real, will you ask that I back off or that I continue with gentle touches?
What if I decide to let consequences matter less and whisper in your ears, “can I kiss you?”
A kiss on the lips is a stamp of affection, a process of romantic revelation. So perhaps a kiss on the lips will be the beginning of our journey into something truly magical?
As the ancient ones believed a kiss joins their spirit, perhaps this kiss will become the beacon that lets our world collide.
A Thousand Miles on the Ocean Floor
Bathing in the light of the sunset,
Enjoying the glory of the morning as the splashes of salt water does wonders for the skin on the ocean floor.
How is it that one sees a representation of his internal struggle in the manner at which the wind works wonders on the ocean?
The current as the representation of the mind, and the wind a representation of the circumstances that influence the mind.
When the current is high, the wind is to blame: when the wind is subtle the ocean receives peace.
The sun in the day welcomes all who seek to enjoy the ocean view but the wind in the night is a nightmare to anyone who dares to stay naked within its borders.
Perhaps the sunny day on the beach represents moments when we dare let our guards down and walk barefoot within life, child-like and Reckless.
Whereas the wind in the night reminds us of a period when we cannot afford to be Reckless.
You may visit the ocean once in a long time but we all walk a thousand miles on the ocean floor.
VT. Ahonsi is a young poet from Lagos, Nigeria who enjoys collecting and listening to great movie soundtracks. He also publishes articles on issues ranging from philosophy to politics. Ahonsi believes poetry is an expression of our deep connection to nature and so it must flow through us and be digested as a channel to nature.