I really don't know what to feel anymore. Love, a topic I keep missing every time I think I have a grasp of it. It is fragile and slippery. I make sure to rub my hands off my clothes to avoid spilling love, yet it falls hard to the ground, bouncing many times.
I really don't know what to feel and do anymore, all my attempts to understand and wield it in my favour see it sail South, or rather North where chaos and war reign in and out of love.
Everything changed when he came. I was finally in control. His smile was healthily strong and caressing. His eyes of gold remains. He laughed a lot and cared so much. Yes! I had love at my beck and call this time I thought.
Then came a tilt; those smiles suddenly turned toxic and scourged my eyes like the sun and those eyes of his quickly turned a volcanic lava. It was all over. All this happened at a snap – before I could say I love you more, it was all over the floor again in shambles. I really don't know what to feel anymore.
To think he's acting love was in itself absurd? He had no flaw. He was awesome. The way he held my hands, with his eyes at par with mine, and spoke the words 'I will never leave you', nothing could be more real and authentic. His kisses made me a reincarnated Cinderella as he constantly whispers in my hears, "I love you". His sweat and breath never gave him up. He beautifully holds my hands and pushes me gently to the door, making sure his hands travel my weak spots and I would be lost in craving mourn as he rode on gently from without. And again he will sing the verse amidst busy breath into my hears, "I love you". The lyrics so real. Really I give it to him. He explored and devoured all, s ravenous bird would.
Today, I'm 'mared as same lips and measure of breath changed the lyrics without remorse, "I am no longer interested".
…same lips, same breath… I touched them with my shaky heart in hands, but they lay rigid and tense. I kissed him to verify my assertions. It indeed was true. They had gone sour and lifeless. How he changed into those characters I would never know.
How can you love this moment and the next you don't? He was only an actor after all.
My friends told me not to fall deep for you but I told them you were different from the crowd. I would have stake my all just to prove to them that your embrace was widely open to catch me if I fall during the course of the journey but I was wrong in all…
But remember, Actor, that I only played puppet to your skills. I wish you'd come back and play your role as you did, while this time I make sure to be as you've made me — the villain, and you the protagonist you played me.
I now know what to feel from now on. Please, come again, actor. All I need from you is a rematch.
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